There are few things in life more daunting than job interviews. We all want to make a great first impression before people realize how incompetent we are. As with anything from playing the piano to trying anal for the first time, it’s all about preparation (and lubricant).
Here’s a few thing to think about-
Fashion
It’s very important that you dress the part for the job. If you wear a three-piece suit to be a fry cook at Arby’s, it comes off as a little weird. Same thing if you wear dolphin shorts, no underwear, and a visible cock-ring while you roller blade into your interview for CFO of Kraft foods. Proper attire cannot be over-emphasized.
Examples
Sales Associate
by nahtanoj
Race Car Driver
Burger King Cashier
by Street matt
Beer Tester
CEO
Hooker
Dog
Attitude
You need to be aware of how badly you want the job. If you have been out of work for a long time, you don’t want to come off as desperate. A good interviewer can sense desperation with subtle clues like stuffing your pockets full of toilet paper from the employee restroom or handcuffing yourself to a chair.
If you are too confident, you may come off as kind of a douche. This works in your favor if you are interviewing to be lawyer or a lead singer. Some people show their overconfidence by repeating questions in a Chinese accent or pulling their wiener out. Worst case scenario, you repeat questions back with a Chinese accent with your wiener out while you move your pee hole open and closed to make it look like your wiener is talking. You may however land that job at the wiener puppet show or get the lead in “Look Who’s Talking Three- Genital Jamboree”.
When you are about to walk into the interview, take a second and relax. Count backwards from ten and then take a deep breath, preferably with a joint in your mouth. Now you’re ready. Unless the joint was laced with PCP.
Sample Questions
What kind of questions can you expect from an interviewer? See if you can pick the best answer.
Why are you interested in this particular field?
a. I’m not.
b. Because I want to improve people’s lives, and I feel that this position will give me the ability to do that.
c. Am I supposed to be getting a boner?
d. I can do 17 push-ups in a row.
e. You remind me of my Dad. Back off, dick!!!
How did you hear about this position?
a. It was on the pictures on the internets on my com-pu-ta-mator.
b. Written in bathroom of opium den.
c. Jesus told me. He also told me not to wear pants.
d. The newspaper.
e. I’m sorry. I don’t speak English.
What particular qualities make you an ideal candidate for this position?
a. Over-sized balls.
b. Because as long as I got the money, the bitches, and the mic…I’m straight.
c. My work ethic.
d. I’m a great bullshitter.
e. I have previous dildo-factory experience.
What hours are you available?
a. Are you hitting on me? (Blows rape whistle)
b. Every day between 10 and 2. Except Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
c. That’s a really personal question! (Blows rape whistle)
d. Whenever needed
e. (Blows rape whistle)
Follow Up
Not following up can be one of the biggest mistakes you can make. Dropping a note to thank someone for their time is a great way to stand out from the crowd. Some times a little trinket will help set you apart. You might consider including with your note-
– A nice pen
– A small chocolate
– A pen with your image that, when turned upside down, shows you nude
– Tiffany diamond ring
– Dildo straw that girls on bachelor parties drink from
– Used anal beads
– A nude picture of you covered in chocolate drinking from a dildo straw with the caption “Thinking of you”
Good luck and happy hunting!
chetjesse 